I’m in my forties and there has not been a Christmas since I was a young teen that I haven’t thought of an English teacher as I’ve struggled to wrap gifts. In eighth grade, she assigned us a quite reasonable demonstration/speech project, and to this day I will never understand why I chose to show how to wrap a gift box in paper.

It wasn’t just that I was choked with anxiety and mumbled incoherent sentences throughout the eighty years [one minute and fifty-two seconds] it took to get the box wrapped. It wasn’t that the sound of the Scotch tape dispenser seemed to echo through the halls each time I pulled a piece. It was the sheer audacity of the undertaking itself. I’ve never been so thankful for a C-, reflective of generosity and grace. The truth is ….

I cannot wrap a gift properly. I simply cannot do it. I’ve had three decades of practice since that late-morning debacle. I’ve watched tutorials. I’ve observed others. I once unnerved an employee at Cracker Barrel by staring at her with fascination as she was wrapping gift shop items.

My corners bulge unless I’m careful; if I’m careful, the paper rips and the corner of a box protrudes. I gauge and trim ends so they’ll tuck neatly; they’re too short and I have to tape some paper under the other paper to hide the contents. We won’t discuss wrinkles, lining up patterns, copious use of tape, or the end result having a discernible top and sides. Those are advanced functions reserved for the unimpaired.

That day in eighth grade, I may as well have attempted to take apart a motorcycle or groom a real horse. But I have a wife and kid who have never complained in earshot, and my efforts have been tolerated. For others’ gifts, she gently offers to wrap while I write out the card, on the supposed grounds of superior handwriting.

And to Mrs. Huffines, a teacher’s dream is to know a student took something away that stuck for life. I’ve mangled plenty of curled-up strips of tape that were sticky, and I’ve never wrapped a Christmas present on a quiet Christmas Eve morning without thinking of you.